The Fall...

So much has happened since I last wrote. I arrived in the US, back from the Big Trip, at the very beginning of summer. The season was as it should be: fun and relaxing. A time to sow and tend to the things that make life meaningful. I spent unmeasured time with my grandparents, parents, siblings and extended family. I learned more about plants and growing them, between my work at the local greenhouse, and paying close attention to my Nonno's activities in his huge garden. I fiddled in the always well-stocked family kitchen and recreated the foreign and interesting things I learned in S.E. Asia, or in the culinary arts school I'm working at in the evenings. It was as I imagined and I'm so blessed to have had the Season of Momentum to share with my nearly estranged loved ones.

The end of summer came, somewhat suddenly. While I enjoyed the bounties of all that labor and love, in the form of an ocean of tomatoes and peppers and corn and watermelon and all the basil and parsley and beans I have ever desired, as well as new levels of understanding and comfort with my grandfather, my father, and my sisters, I also found myself getting antsy. I am not a winter sort of girl... and around here, Fall doesn't gracefully bridge the gaping gulf of life that is summer with the hushed hibernation that is winter. oh no. Fall doesn't exactly fall. It plummets. It lands with a thud. Its done in about a month. Then poof: WINTERTIME!

So when its officially the Autumn Solstice, I begin panic mode. (Actually, I think I have Seasonal Affective Disorder, and thats probably why I always panic in Fall time.) This year, it dawned on me: My entire life is a game of "Creative Winter Avoidance." In fact, I haven't seen snow for longer than a day or two in many years... 12 years to be exact. The very idea of breaking my CWA-track record gives me instant dry skin, chapped lips, and static-hair.

At this very moment, this panic is bringing me back to center, as I soul-search (well, not SOUL search, but you know, dig deep) and remember my mission here.

I came home to Ohio after Asia because I craved family time and a laid back summer. I thought it would last two or three months. It was an important time for the family and it was good to be a part of it. But its been more than four months now! I had always imagined myself out west after Asia, but the deeper my roots get here, the more uneasy I become about moving to California. Can I do it? Will it be worth it? Maybe I should stay here longer. I will miss my family. What is life without family nearby? What do I WANT? What does my gut say? So, like, move, um, NOW? Maybe after...

God has a way of muting distractions, sometimes, though. Falling into my heart with the shorter days, I have begun to hear myself again, and to plan my shift west-ward...

figs in the sky


nonno braids garlic


















dreamy cabbage


sunshine beets

The Picture

That picture above is from Pai in Northern Thailand, the place that the second (I believe) entry of this blog was written about, and from. I took it in the mid morning, just outside the town center and over the river, where we stayed at the Family Huts for a night when we first arrived. It was so much more beautiful than this picture allows. Here are a few others from Pai.

Gearing Up to Blog About the Present by Adding a Bit About the Past

The below excerpts are taken from my email exchange with my mom during the first week of May. I decided to include this to fill in a little of the two missing months during my trip. I am ready to begin blogging again, about what ELSE is happening this year, other than a trip through Southeast Asia. So here goes...


Dear Mom,
I think you would like where I am. I am on this island called Koh Phangan. As you might know, I am doing a 7 day intensive detox/fast at a place called the Sanctuary. Lovely place. Nice resort, although, I can't go into it because it smells delicious. I hang out in the wellness center. Actually, I haven't eaten in 3 days, and that's after a big pre-detox before hand where I only could eat fresh fruits and vegetables. Nothing cooked! Only four more days to go. Daily yoga and the beach and hammocks and books and lots of other smart people from all over the world who are fasting too keeps everything sane and real. No hunger because of detox "shakes" four times daily. Lots of interesting thoughts and feelings though.

Hi Mom.
I am now on day 6 of the detox.

Yes, I am not offended by your rhetorical/consciousness question about do I miss the daily ongoings in the US. I do. (But not work. Not traffic. Not Starbucks. Not weekend madness at the grocery store. Not the dry cleaning run. Not being lonely. Not wintertime. Not SO many things...) I miss you and the family -- and that's about it, honestly from the bottom of my soul. I don't miss anything else. I miss Nonno so much. I am sad that Dea is gone. I miss her... but I am thinking of coming home soon. Maybe spend a month at home, spend time with everyone, and plan my next moves.

I am getting a bit tired of roughing it, really. I need a break.

Fun Facts:
There was a three inch praying mantis in our hut last night, doing that creepy rocking motion they do on our mosquito net.

There was also a bright green little cricket.

One 4 inch spider on the door mat on our porch. He hops. Luckily, he didn't hop the 6 inches towards our door, but hopped the other way, right off the porch.

There was a large black moth on the wall above the bed.

There was a lizard that must have been the size of Claire [my 7lb cat] under the bungalow (which is on stilts) because it made its lizard noises ALL NIGHT LONG at a decibel that no lovely mosquito-eating tiny gecko can...

There was the resident gecko in the thatched roof, but he's OK when he's quiet.

Oh, and after the power went off (happens around 10:30 or so, and takes the fan with it. Sadly.) an enormous UFO came in. It was batting around and hitting the walls. I think it was a locust.

And there were so many loud lizard and frog noises outside that I nearly couldn't sleep. I thought it was a burglar or sexual predator at first. But I investigated. It wasn't!

So far Clare and I have spent 8 nights here... 3 left! Its a love/hate thing, that bungalow.

Moving on... you can see why I love mosquito nets (Its like a protective force field.) and need a fancy hotel just for one night. Oh goodness.

Hi Mom,
Now, I am on day 7 of no food. I am hungry. I had a fresh pineapple juice last night. I nearly cried. it was the most exciting explosion of flavor I have ever ever tasted. I couldn't hear anyone, I couldn't speak, I only beamed a huge smile, and took another sip. I welled up. I think. Its a blur really. So incredible.

Tomorrow I will break the fast with a breakfast of papaya: Fresh, bright orange papaya. I am pretty stoked about it.

Clare left today. This will be my first time having my own room since more than a month ago. I am a bit glum, but I guess its normal. I am still here in paradise so I can't be too glum really.

I can't blog, though mom. I just can't. I want to. But the Internet sucks (I had taken a boat ride to another town to use faster, cheaper Internet yesterday) and is so slow and pricey. I don't know what to say. I don't have pictures because my camera was stolen at the end of my time in Laos. So I have lost a month's worth of photos and have no new ones...

You see, I have justified why I cannot blog... grrr. I will though, as soon as I get off this island. I will find something funny or interesting to write about... and just grind it out so friends know I'm still alive. There is a dragonfly on me right now. wow. so strange...

The End of the Walkabout

Well, much to my dismay, its been TWO MONTHS since my last entry. I can't believe how time flies. Since I last wrote, I spent a month traveling through Laos, the most spectacular and laid back place on the planet, from what I can tell. There I spent nearly a week in the 4,000 Islands on an island called Don Det, where the electricity is all on generators so night fall is more quiet and peaceful than I ever imagined. It is surrounded by Mekong River, and much time is spent on little boats, in the river on tubes, or just on bicycles around the dirt paths of the island. I spent most of my time with a handful of Germans and one Frenchman.

Upon reentering the grid, I went up to Pakse (the country's 3rd largest city -- as unbelievable as that is considering its tiny itsy bitsy size), where I happened to be eating breakfast at my guesthouse as a group of travelers were heading out to start at 2-day motorbike loop. I was in the way as one Canadian guy reached over my plate to grab his sunglasses and water bottle -- the last thing he needed to do before leaving for the trip. Somehow in those 4 seconds he invited me on the trip. Not knowing how to drive a motorbike, I took a minute to consider it, and then, I accepted. An hour later, there were 5 motorbikes, and 9 people, zooming out of Pakse along the Bolavan Plateau to spend the next two days discovering and swimming in some of the most breathtaking waterfalls I have ever seen. Two days became three (rainstorms!), and 9 became 7, but ultimately we headed to Vientiane together. After spending a couple days lounging by the pool and stocking up on Western toothpaste, Qtips, pizza, etc, we 7 headed north again for Lao New Year (Pii Mai) in Luang Prabang -- a World Heritage City for its charm, dramatic landscape, and history.

Luang Prabang is apparently theeee place to spend the Lao New Year -- a three day celebration that involves quite a lot of water -- as in, hoses, buckets, supersoakers and water bottles. It all began innocently enough as a respectful way to bless someone for the new year (or anything, really, I think). You simply drip a bit of water on their shoulder, as a believer would still do to a Buddha statue or a monk on such a holiday. But somewhere along the way, the ubiquitous national beverage (clear distilled rice wine, much like moonshine, called Lao Lao) as well as BeerLao (the country's only major export and a beer that miraculously does not give hangovers -- but instead it makes you fat!) got involved and the entire country goes completely wild for three full days and nights. I cannot remember ever laughing THAT hard or feeling that happy -- or being so drenched for so many days on end.

After Luang Prabang, we 7 -- I should introduce you to them, I suppose! They are Clare and Hugo, a couple from Edinburgh, Scotland. He is French and move to Scotland 5 years ago. Isabelle and Victor, a couple from Toronto. He is a film maker and she's an Air Canada flight attendant. Then the three singles. Jonny Potter, the Canadian guy who invited me along in the first place. He lives in Winnipeg. Todd from New Zealand, the most laid back human being God ever created. And me.

So anyway, after Lao New Year we moved south to Vang Vieng, a much much smaller town than LP or Vientiane. Ten years ago, it was a nothing little village set on the Mekong, amongst the tall limestone cliffs and mountains carved by the river for thousands of years. Nowadays, its still very beautiful, but has long since been discovered by backpackers. Its a love hate sort of place, really. You can't really not love it for its beauty, but the town center is filled with all the worst of Western culture -- every restaurant has a huge TV playing Friends, Simpsons, or Family Guy reruns all day and all night long. You can find any drug you want there, often right on the menu, regardless of legality. After a couple days there, we rented big dirt bike motorcycles and headed, for the first time, east -- away from the river and away from the mountains.

We drove 250 kilometers the first day -- straight through to Phonesavan, where the famous "Plain of Jars" is located. It was a really treacherous journey as we were nearly all ill at one point or another. But the scenery was so breathtaking, I became a bit emotional on the back of Todd's bike. (I wanted to rent my own, but my feet wouldn't touch the ground even with the suspension lowered. I sulked for a half a day, and then decided the back was better anyway. And by now, we were only 6 since Jon had to leave for Canada from Vang Vieng.) We spent a couple days in Phonesavan making day trips to the Plain of Jars and to a local village that used bomb casings to build their fences and homes and flower pots. We learned quite a bit about the unexploded ordinances in eastern Laos and the work being done by groups to deactivate the bombs, as well as the residents' frequent accidents, as they attempt to do it themselves in order to sell the metal for cash. It was maybe the least touristy thing we did in Laos, which is saying something, because Laos is not touristy at all, compared to its neighbors.

After returning the bikes back to Vientiane, we had one more night to spend in Laos before my visa expired. We wanted a chill night since we were all a bit road weary from 7 days of biking on relatively uncomfortable motorcycles. We walked down to the local restaurants on the Mekong, where you can look across and see Thailand. We had eaten here when we were in Vientiane the first time and all the fresh grilled meats and seafood were the boys' favorite thing, and its super cheap. We had a nice meal of fresh foods and a few rounds of Beer Lao and were about to head towards the bowling alley when Todd suggested we follow our ears to the music just beyond the restaurants. We wandered into this outdoor venue that resembled a fancy club, where there was a limbo contest going on, for a prize to win a trip to Malaysia. We HAD to stay and watch. Somehow we ended up going out until 5 in the morning that night -- our last night in Laos. We had the best time, saw what clubbing looks like in Vientiane, and I even ran into a guy I hadn't seen since the beach in Cambodia. So strange!

And now here I am in Koh Phangan, Thailand -- home of the world famous full moon party -- on the night of the full moon, about to spend my last evening with friends (I reunited with Isabelle and Victor a few days ago on Koh Samui) before beginning the two day journey to Ohio. Yes, that's right. The last leg of my travels is between O'Hare and Hopkins, where I land at 3:30p on Friday, May 23rd. I will write more about Thailand and post pictures as soon as I can. I just wanted to let it be known that I'm en route home.

Here we are (Isabelle, from Toronto, and I. She and Victor met back up with me a week or two before the party.) in the wee hours of the morning of the full moon party:

This Morning

This morning I awoke feeling a little sluggish. I climbed out of my mosquito net and quietly stepped around Mike and Lita whose mat's are nearest mine. I tip toed down the 4 giant-steps of the ladder to the toilet. I was pleased that no one was up yet and I had the whole little area to myself. The sky was light and I could already hear jet skis on the water but I didn't feel like going through the house towards the beach. Instead, I climbed back up, tiptoed back over and crawled back in my skeeter net and relaxed to some ipod tunes for a while. Eventually, it became hot and the little oscillating fan outside my net was no longer doing much for me. I put in my contacts and grabbed my bathing suit and went back towards the toilets. Once in the open air stall, I lifted the small pitcher of brownish water from the huge ceramic barrel that sits in the "shower" stall. I washed my face and hands and feet. As I washed my face, the permanent layer of sand and salt that lives on me and everything here provided a natural exfolliant. Probably overdue for my normally pampered pores. I put on my bathing suit and walked past the still sleeping family with whom I'm staying, past the pool table where Papa usually sleeps, past Papa who was already up and sweeping and out towards the beach where the Russian couple who comes every day was already sitting having a coffee and the two girls who arrived yesterday were already getting suntans. I grabbed my goggles, put my clothes and book behind the bar and headed to the very calm water. The tide was in pretty far, making the beach smaller than at any other time of daylight, and so the decline into the water was steeper than later in the day, like I'm used to. The water was also colder than yesterday afternoon, so I had to really pep-talk my sluggish self to keep going. Eventually, the water was above my elbows so I began to swim to the left. Eastward. I swam for a while until the water started to feel cold. I put my head up to see myself approaching an anchored boat. I am scared of sharks and somehow the coldness and the shadow of the boat made me nervous so I changed course and swam towards the coast. After my lungs started to feel awake and my arms began to feel like noodles, I turned to swim back towards Khin's Shack (my place). As I swam, a fish swam in front of me, as if we were in a little two-entity school, he and I. He was much bigger than the fish I'd seen as I waded into the water earlier. Then there was a school of teeny guppy-looking silver fish who skimmed the surface simultanously for me to enjoy. But this fish was the size of my hand. I stoped to get a better look, but he swam on. I decided it was time for a morning tea and headed back towards Khin's.

I am staying near Sihanoukville, Cambodia on a beach just south of Serendipity Beach. Khin is 26 years old and bought this little place 4 years ago with money she earned by waiting tables at a nearby shack for two years. Her English is really good and she is a hardworking, easy going business woman who keeps this place going. Her parents and siblings and a couple cousins, an aunt and an uncle help run the place, as do the kind-hearted, low-budget travelers who pass through for a few days or a few months, enjoying the family's hospitality, authenticity, affection and generosity. Every night is a feast of grilled seafood and a spectacular sunset.

I wish everyone this kind of timeless enjoyment, at least for a few minutes. To illustrate this timelessness, the most common question around here is, "What time is it?" but no one ever knows. The answers come like this: "I'd guess its around..." And everyone makes a guess. No one's right or wrong because no one really cares what time it is. Everyone chuckles and then quietly wonders what it means that one one knows or cares what time it is. As if a group consensus, someone later speaks about how lucky we are right now and everyone agrees.

Not long from now I'll probably want more of my own space, or clean sheets, or a real shower, but for now, its perfect. For the first few days, as a matter of fact, I slept so much. I went to sleep early, woke early to sleep on the beach, and then slept again on the beach after a short swim or a short walk. But now I'm a little more clear minded. Having relaxed, I feel refreshed and amazed that nature, and people, could be so beautiful.

Gotta run. The sun is near setting and I'd like to get one more swim in before its gone.

What a Great Idea for a SONG!

Hey Everybody!
Joe and I are still in Phnom Penh and are heading out to Siem Reap (Angkor Wat) tomorrow morning. We have loved the chaos and the ease of being here. This city is crowded, dirty, so hot and exciting, but its also relatively small and gentle compared to what we had braced ourselves for, given our experiences in Bangkok, Hanoi and Saigon. One of the things that's been a nice change is having such cheap Internet so near to our hotel, so we can be in touch with everyone.

I haven't much to say now. Since last I posted, I have visited the notorious S-21 torture facility and the country's main prison used during the Khmer Rouge (1975-79) and also the infamous Killing Fields, where we saw hundreds if not thousands of human skulls, bones and clothing fragments, among other things. There really aren't words for this, at least not from me, and at least not now.

For now, just thank you for writing comments to these posts. I can't always see your comments right away (because of my internet access, etc), but when I finally view them, I feel like you are right here with me, listening to me tell about a part of whats on my mind, and then replying. Like a real conversation, just a little delayed.

Please stay in touch.

More to come...

Ode to Sweetness

An important feature of our daily life over here has conspicuously been omitted from these posts. Namely, Sweetened Condensed Milk.

Sweetened Condensed Milk is a stable of the Southeast Asian diet. It is found (in substantial quantity) in coffee and tea, among other things. While never a big fan of it in the U.S., I (and Westerners all around the region) simply cannot get enough of it here. We find ourselves suffering the caffeine overload that drinking it with the coffee brings, just to taste the sweet milky goodness. There are tons of brands of it in the grocery store, a testiment to its foundational role in the diet here.

Most astoundingly, however, is its role in otherwise "healthy"foods. By example: When I ordered yogurt with my breakfast early in my visit to Vietnam, I was taken by its sweetness. I thought that perhaps it was heavily sugared, and didn't really order it again in Vietnam. Then one day recently I was eating at a little noodle shop in the Mekong delta, just a few days before leaving Vietnam, and noticed there was homemade yogurt in the cooler. In tiny glass jars, the yogurt appeared more authentic and I expected it would taste like plain yogurt in India. I ordered a little jar, for the whopping cost of 1/8 of a dollar. At first taste I thought they had added lemon and sugar and vanilla to the stuff. But our Vietnamese friend assured me there is "no sugar" in this type of yogurt. I asked him to explain that, since clearly, this was almost like icecream it was so sweet. He explained that in Vietnam, people add water to sweetened condensed milk, and then boil it and then allow it to sit overnight, thus becoming yogurt.

Just another chapter in my ongoing love affair with Sweetened Condensed Milk.

(One might think this would lead to love handles and other unsightly side affects. Probably, they are right. However, being only a few ounces of bacteria-laced water away from a forced fast, I think its OK to walk around padded and ready for a bout of intenstinal civil unrest.)